Living by your values isn’t always easy, especially when a values conflict shows up between what matters to you and the reality of daily life. These challenges don’t mean you’re failing, they’re a normal part of authentic living. In this post, we’ll look at practical ways to handle those moments when staying true to your values feels hard.
Why Living by Your Values Sometimes Feels Hard
Even when you’re committed to living by your values, it’s normal to hit moments when things feel messy or uncomfortable. You might feel pressure from other people, come up against practical constraints like time or money, or face a values conflict that leaves you unsure what to prioritise. These situations can be frustrating, especially when you’re doing your best to live with intention. Reminding yourself that challenges are part of the process can help you move forward with more confidence and less self-doubt. And learning how to respond to these moments with clarity and care can make a real difference.
How to Handle Common Challenges When Living by Values
When Others Don’t Understand Your Choices
There’ll be times when the people around you react to your decisions with comments like “You’ve changed” or “Why are you being so rigid?” When this happens, you might feel uncomfortable or even isolated. Try to remember that their discomfort often comes from their own fears or expectations, rather than anything you’ve done wrong. For example, a friend might worry that saying no to social events means you don’t value the friendship, when really you’re protecting your time to focus on what matters most to you.
So what do you do in these situations? It helps to stay kind but clear. You could say something like, “Thanks for asking, but I’m going to say no this time.” It’s a simple and honest way to respond that respects your boundaries without needing to explain or justify your choice.
These moments can bring up a subtle values conflict between staying true to yourself and wanting to meet others’ expectations. It’s not always easy, but staying aligned with your values is what creates a deeper sense of balance and integrity. If you want to get clearer on what your values are, check out this post on How to Identify Your Personal Core Values.
When Two Values Seem to Conflict
At times, you’ll feel torn by two values that are important to you. This kind of values conflict is common and just needs a little more thought and care.
Examples of How Values Conflicts Can Show Up
When you notice a values conflict, try looking for ways to give some space to both values, even if they’re not perfectly balanced. You might find one needs more attention right now, while the other can be acknowledged in smaller, more manageable ways. Also, remember that different values might take priority at different times in your life.
If you want to explore how values affect balance in everyday life, you might like this post: Why Core Values Are Key to Living in Balance.
When Your Values Conflict with Financial Pressure
It’s common for values conflict to show up when you want meaningful work but also need a certain level of income to pay the bills. When this happens, try to focus on small ways to honour your values outside of work. This could include volunteering, pursuing creative hobbies, or making a gradual plan to shift your career.
Also, remember that meeting your basic needs supports your values too. Taking care of yourself creates a solid foundation for living in alignment with what matters to you.
When Family or Cultural Values Differ from Yours
It’s not always easy when the people you care about hold different values from your own. You might feel torn between wanting to be true to yourself and not wanting to disappoint others. This kind of values conflict can bring up feelings of guilt or pressure, especially if your choices don’t match what’s expected.
In these situations, try to stay grounded in what matters to you. You don’t need to explain or defend every decision. A simple response like “This is something that feels right for me” is enough. With time, people often come to respect your choices, even if they see things differently. You can still respect your roots while choosing a path that feels true to who you are.
When Life Gets Overwhelming
There are times when life gets messy, and it’s hard to fully live out all your values. When this happens, return to your non-negotiables, and let everything else be flexible for a while. Focusing on the most important parts means your values still get attention, even when a values conflict or time pressure makes it hard to do everything. This approach helps you stay grounded without the pressure of perfection.
When You Feel Guilty About Your Boundaries
Feeling guilty about setting boundaries is common, and it can sometimes signal an internal values conflict between wanting to care for others and needing to honour your own needs. Boundaries protect your time and energy for what really matters, and allow you to show up more fully in your relationships and responsibilities. Remember, living in a way that reflects your values supports both you and the people around you.
When You’re Not Sure Which Value to Prioritise
At times, a values conflict might make it hard to make a decision, especially when several values feel equally important. When this happens, try asking yourself “Which value needs the most attention right now?” Make a choice based on what feels most urgent and trust that you can adjust as you go. Remember we’re not looking for perfect prioritisation, making intentional choices is what matters.
When these challenges feel overwhelming, it helps to step back and reconnect with your foundation.
Remember Why You Chose This Path of Living by Your Values
When you realise you’re experiencing a values conflict or a difficult moment, it helps to pause and reconnect with why you started living by your values in the first place. Maybe it was a desire for more meaning, more calm, or a stronger connection to what really matters.
Take a moment to reflect on the benefits you’ve already experienced, whether that’s more clarity, better decisions, or a stronger sense of self. These moments of reflection can help you stay steady when a values conflict or unexpected challenge makes things feel messy.
It can also help to keep your top three values somewhere visible, such as in a journal, a note on your phone, or even on your desk. These reminders act as a compass, especially when you’re feeling pulled in different directions.
If you’re not sure what your top values are, or want to reconnect with them, you might find this helpful: How to Identify Your Personal Core Values.
Small Ways to Stay Connected When Values Conflict With Real Life
When values conflict or life gets overwhelming, it’s easy to feel disconnected from what matters to you. In these moments, bringing it back to basics can make all the difference.
Ask yourself simple questions like:
- What do I need today to feel more aligned?
- Where can I make one small values-based choice?
When you’re navigating a values conflict, small actions can help you restore a sense of alignment, even during difficult times. Here are a few everyday examples:
- If you value creativity but feel too busy: do something simple like doodle in a notebook for a few minutes or add a few touches to a creative project you already have on the go.
- If you value connection but feel overwhelmed: send a short voice note or text to someone you care about.
- If you value health but have no time: stretch while the kettle boils or walk around the block during a break
These simple steps might seem small, but they can ease the pressure and help you stay connected to your values in a grounded and practical way, even when things aren’t ideal.
Final Thoughts
When you’re trying to live by your values, it’s not always a smooth ride. Experiencing values conflict and related challenges is a natural part of the journey. Keep trusting the process and remember that each step forward is progress.
If you’re ready to take the next step, check out How to Create Balance in Life Using Your Values. For a broader perspective, you might also like Living a Meaningful Life.
I hope you found this article on what to do when your values conflict with real life helpful. Interested in finding out more about me? Take a look here.
